The Art of Friendship

　　A) One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was really wrong my family and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful -- I was just feeling vaguely down and in need of a friend who could raise my spirits, someone who would meet me for coffee and let merant until the clouds lifted. I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in California, and got her voicemail. That's when it started to dawn on me -- lonesomeness was at the root of my dreariness. My social life had dwindled to almost nothing, but somehow until that moment I'd been too busy to notice. Now it hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood, know everything about me; when they left, they had taken my context with them.

　　B) Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social isolation on one's health. But my concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel understood right then in the way that only a girlfriend can understand you. I knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends: He couldn't, and even if he could, to whom would I then complain about my husband? So I resolved to acquire new friends -- women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling their eyes at the worlda little bit just as I did. Since I'd be making friends with more intention than I'd ever given the process, I realized I could be selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The down side, of course, was that I felt pretty frightened.

　　C) After all, it's a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife that it is when yon're younger -- a fact woman I've spoken with point out again and again. As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater director and mother, sees it, when you're in your teens and 20s, you're more or less friends with everyone unless there's a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly due to proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. "There are many people I'm comfort-able around, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isn't enough to sustain a real friendship," Danzig says.

　　D) At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldn't run up to people the way my4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, "Will you be my friend? Every time you start anew relationship, you're vulnerable again," agrees Kathleen Hall, D Min, founder and CEO of the Stress Institute, in Atlanta. "You're asking, 'Would you like to come into my life?' It makes us self-conscious."

　　E) Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerability risk was actually pretty low. If someone didn't take me up on my offer, so what: I wasn't in junior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I have amassed enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer.

　　F) We're all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests -- say, in a project, class, or cause that we already make time for -- become the perfect catalysts for bringing us in contact with candidates for camaraderie. Michelle Mertes, 35, a teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says anew friend she made at church came as a pleasant surprise. "In high school I chose friends based on their popular-ity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Now's it's our shared values and activities that count." Mertes says her pal, with whom she organized the church's youth programs, is nothing like her but their drive and organizational skills make them ideal friends.

　　G) Happily, as awkward as making new friends can be, self-esteem issues do not factor in -- or if they do, you can easily put them into perspective. Danzig tells of the mother of a child in her son's pre-school, a tall, beautiful woman who is married to a big-deal rock musician. "I said to my husband, she's too cool for me,'" she jokes. "I get intimidated by people. But once I got to know her, she turned out to be pretty laid-back and friendly." In the end there was no chemistry between them, so they didn't become good pals. "I realized that we weren't each other's type, but it wasn't about hierarchy." What midlife friendship is about, it seems, is reflecting the person you've become (or are still becoming) back at yourself, thus reinforcing the progress you've made in your life.

　　H) Harlene Katzman, 41, a lawyer in New York City, notes that her oldest friends knew her back when she was less sure of herself. As much as she loves them, she believes they sometimes respond to is-sues in light of who she once was. An old chum has the goods on you. With recently made friends, you can turn over a new leaf.

　　I) A new friend, chosen right, can also help you point your boat in the direction you want to go. Hanna Dershowitz, 39, an attorney and mother in Los Angeles, found that a new acquaintance from workwas exactly what she needed in a friend. In addition to liking and respecting Julia, Dershowitz had a feeling that the fit and athletic younger woman would help her to get in shape.

　　J) While you're busy making new friends, remember that you still need to nurture your old ones. We asked Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You "re Not a Kid Anymore, for the best ways to maintain these important relationships. Keep in touch. Your friends should be a priority; schedule regular lunch dates or coffee catch-up sessions, no matter how busy you are. Know her business. Keep track of important events in a friend's life and show your support. Call or e-mail to let her know you're thinking of her. Speak your mind. Tell a friend (politely) if something she did really upset you. If you can't be totally honest, then you need to reexamine the relationship. Accept her flaws. No one is perfect, so work around her quirks --she's chronically late, or she's a bit negative -- to cut down on frustration and fights. Boost her ego. Heartfelt compliments make everyone feel great, so tell her how much you love her new sweater or what a great job she did on a work project.

　　46. Leslie Danzig thought making friends at one's middle age needed some reasons.

　　47. A well-chosen new friend can help you go in the direction that you like.

　　48. A few years ago the author felt lonely and depressed when she phoned her best friend in another city who was much wanted then but unavailable.

　　49. According to Kathleen Hall, one might feel sensitive in the first curse of making new friends.

　　50. Midlife friendship can help you realize your direction of life and reinforce the progress you've made in your life.

　　51. In Mafia Paul's book, to be a better friend, you should keep track with your fiiends, care for your friend's job, express yourself, accept her flaws and compliment your friend for her/his good dressing and job.

　　52. For the author, a girl friend might be the right person to under "stand her and erase her negative feeling.

　　53. According to Michelle Metes, midlife friendship is based on the shared values and activities

　　54. As a mature friend seeker, the author finds herself with enough confidence to offer and take rejection with grace.

　　55. With newly made friends, you can have a chance to take on a new look in your life.

　　Section B

　　交友之道

　　A)数年前的一天晚上，我发现自己陷入了焦虑中。事实上，一切事情祁如常，我和家人都很健康;我工作忙碌，事业有成。我只是隐隐约约感到情绪很低落，急需一个朋友能给我打打气，跟我喝杯咖啡，听我尽情发泄直到烟消云散。我最好的朋友住在加州—这个国家的另一端。我拨通了她的电话，却听到要求留言的录音。阴影从此开始笼罩着我，孤独是我沮丧的根源。我的社交生活已经减少到几乎没有，但不知何故，直到那一该，我才注意到这一点。现在，这种感觉却狠雏地撞击着我。戈的那些老朋友们，从大学甚至孩提时代就已深交的密友，对我了如指掌，但他们一离开，也把我生活的环境一并带走了。

　　B)研究表明，缺少社交生活对人的健康会产生长期的消极后果。还好，我妁焦虑期持续时间相当短暂。l521在那时我需要被理解，是只有女性朋友才能理解的那种方式。我知道期望我的丈夫取代喷油的想法是 错误的：他不能，即使他能，我又和谁倾诉我对丈夫的抱怨呢?于是，我下定决心要结交新朋友，目标是像我一样——有孩子而且关注这个世界的妇女。因为我这样交友的目的性更明确，我逐渐意识到，我是可以进行选择的，我实际上是可以设计我的社交生活的。当然它的消极一面就是我感到非常害怕。

　　C)毕竟，在中年时期交友要比年轻时困难得多一——这是个客观存在的显示，与我聊过的女性曾不止一次地指出这一点。41岁的Leslie Danzi9是芝加哥的一位戏剧导演，也是一位母亲，1461她的看法是，在十几岁、二十几岁的时候，除了有特殊理由不能成为朋友的情况，人差不多可以跟所有人成为朋友。 你的大学室友，至少余因为走得比较近而成为你最好的朋友。一现在，我们则需要理由才能成为朋友。Danzi9说，“有很多人，我跟他们在一起的时候很舒服，但我不会因此称他们为朋友。舒适度还不足以维持真正的友谊。”

　　D)一开始的时候，寻找新的伙伴的确让入有点尴尬。四十岁了，我无法像我四岁的女儿那样在操场上碰到人就问：“能跟我做朋友吗?”。【49】 每次建立一群新关系，你就会又变得脆弱了，”，KathleenHall，教牧学博士，亚特兰大压力研究所的创始人兼首席执行官，赞同这一看法。她说： “你是在问：‘你愿意参与到我的生活中吗?’这使我们局促不安。”

　　E)幸运的是，我的不适感很快就过去了。我意识到，作为一个寻找朋友的成年人，我变得脆弱的风险其实是非常低的。如果有人不愿意接受我的请求，那又如何呢?我不再是个初中生，那时我可能会因为穿不搭调的衣服或者发型不好看而被拒绝。【54】到了我这个年纪。我已经方足够的自信，我以为我有足够吸引对方的东西。

　　F)事实上，我们都很忙，以至于共同的兴趣，譬如，我们为之忙碌的项目、课程或事业，就成为把我们与建立伙伴关系的候选人联系在一起的理想的催化剂。35岁的MichelleMertes是盛斯康辛州沃索地区一名教师及两个孩子的母亲，她说在教会结交的新朋友对她来说是一份惊喜。【53】 Mertes说，上中学对，我是根据他们的受欢迎程度以及成为她们圈子的一员可能对或卢生的影响来选择朋友的。现在，共同的价值观和参加的劳动则成为我选择朋友的关键因素。二她与一起组织教会的青年项目的好朋友，虽然性格不同，但她们的干劲和组织能力使她们成为彼此的理想好友。

　　G)令人高兴的是，尽管结交新朋友是一件尴尬的事情，但自尊问题不是结交朋友需要考虑的因素—～否则，如果将自尊问题作为结交朋友的考虑因素，你也能很容易地洞察这一点。Danzig讲述了她儿子所在的幼儿园的一个孩子的母亲的故事。那位女士身材高大，美丽动八，嫁给了一位有名的摇滚音乐家。 “我曾跟我的丈夫说，‘对我来说她太酷了，”她开玩笑道。“周围的人都告诫我要警惕。但是，当我跟她混熟了，才发现她原来是个非常悠闲而友好的人。”最终，她们之间因为没有“化学反应”，没能成为好朋友。“我意识到，我们不是同一类人，但这跟社会地位没有关系。”【50】现在看来：中年友谊似乎能反应你所属的类型(或正在成为的类型)，从而加强你在生活中取得的进展。

　　H)41岁的Harlene Katzman是纽约市的一名律师，她认为，在她无法确定自已是否变样的时候，最老的朋友知道她原来的样子。她依然非常爱她们，她相信她们有时对问题的反应能够反映出她曾经的样子，拥有老朋友对你而言大有益处。【55】而跟新交的朋友在一起：纭可以翻开新的一页。

　　I)【47】新朋友，如果选择对了的话， 还可以帮助找到航行的方向。39岁的Hanna Dershowitz是洛杉矶的一名律师，也是一位母亲。她发现，她在工作中新结交的一个人， Julia，正是她需要的好友。除了喜欢和尊重Julia，Dershowitz有一种感觉，这个健康且从事运动事业的年轻女性能帮助她保持身材。

　　J)当你忙着结交新朋友时，请记住，你仍需要与老朋友们培养感情。我们请Maria Paul，《友谊的危机：当你不再是孩童时，如何寻找朋友、结交朋友与保持友情》的作者，告诉我们维持这些重要关系的最佳途径。保持联系。朋友至上。无论你有多忙，都要抽空定期与朋友吃顿饭或者喝杯咖啡闲聊。了解她的事业。知道朋友生活中经历的重要事件，并适时表示你的支持，打电话或者发邮件让她知道你时刻都在想着她。坦诚相待。如果朋友确实做了让你懊恼的事情，一定要(委婉地)告诉她。如果你不能完全坦诚的话，就需要重新审视这段关系。包容她的缺点。人无完人，因此不要纠结于她的怪癖～她经常迟到或者她有一点消极——以减少挫折和斗争。满足她的自尊。真心的赞美使人感觉良好，所以要告诉她，你多喜欢她的新毛衣，她做了多么伟大的工作。

　　46.Leslie Danzig thought making friends at one’S middle age needed some reasons.LeslieDanzig认为在中年交朋友需要一些理由。

　　【解析】C)。细节题。根据句子关键词Leslie Danzi9和making friends al one’S middle age可定位至Cl段。该段中Danzi9说在十几、二十几岁的时候，基本上可以和所有人交朋友，但现在需要充分的理由才能交到朋友，舒适度不足以维持真正的友谊。可见她认为中年交友需要。一些理由。

　　47.A well—chosen new friend can help you go in the direction that you like.选择得当的新朋友能帮你朝着你向往的方向前进。

　　【解析】I)。细节题。根据句子关键词a well—chosen new friend和：he direction that you like可定位至I)段。该段首句指出：新朋友，如果选择对了的话，还可以帮助你找到航行的方向。

　　48.A few years ago the author felt lonely and depressed when she phoned her best friend in another city who was much wanted then but unavailable.

　　数年前，作者给远在他乡的最好的朋友打电话，作者当时很需要她却没人接，因此感到很孤独沮丧。

　　【解析】A)。归纳题。根据句子关键词a few years a90和phoned her best friend可定位在A)段。句子是对整段的概括总结。

　　49.According to Kathleen Hall，one might feel sensitive in the first course ofmaking new friends.

　　KathleenHall觉得人们在刚开始结交新朋友的过程中会变得敏感，

　　【解析】 D)。细节题。由句子中的Kathleen Hall定位至D)段。该段最后一句提到，Kathleen Hall认为每次建立一种新关系，人就会变得脆弱、敏感。

　　50.Midlife friendship can help you realize your direction oflife and reinforze the progress yOU’ve made in your life.

　　中年友谊可以帮你认清生活前进的方向和巩固进步。

　　【解析】 G)。细节题。根据句子关键词midlife friendship和reinforce the progress可定位至G)段末句。现在看来，中年友谊似乎能反映出你所属的类型(或正在成为的类型)，从而加强你在生活中取得的进展。5 1.In Maria Paul’S book，to be a better friend，you should keep track with yourfriends，care for your friend’s job，ex—press yourself,accept her flaws and compliment your friend for her/his good dressing and job.Maria Paul的书中写到，要成为更好的朋友，你应该和朋友保持联系，关心朋友的工作，表达自己的思想，包容朋友的缺点，赞扬朋友。

　　【解析】J)。归纳题。根据句子中的MariaPaul’Sbook可定位至文章末段。该段列举如何巩固和朋友的关系。句子是对整段的概括总结。

　　52.For the author,a girl friend might be the fight person to understand her and erase her negative feelin9.

　　对作者来说，她需要一位女性朋友理解和化解自己的负面感受。

　　【解析】 B)。细节题。由句子中的the right person和understand等字眼定位至B)段。作者提到只有女性的朋友才能理解她的感受。

　　53.According to Michelle Mertes，midlife friendship is based on the shared values and activities

　　Michelle Mertes认为中年友谊的基石是共同的价值观和参与的活动。

　　【解析】 F)。细节题。由句子中的MichelleMertes可定位至F)段。Mertes说：上中学时，我是根据她们的受欢迎程度以及成为她们圈子的一员可能对我产生的影响来选择朋友的。现在，共同的价值观和参加的活动则成为我选择朋友的关键因素。

　　54.As a mature friend seeker,the author finds herself with enough confidence to offer and take rejecfion with grace.

　　作为一名成熟的交友者，作者发现自己有足够的自信发出邀请和坦然接受拒绝。

　　【解析】 E)。细节题。根据句子关键词a mature friend seeker和offe“'ejection可定位至E)段。该段中作者指出自己已经成熟，能坦然接受对方的拒绝，也保有自信，相信自己有魅力。

　　55.With newly made friends，you Can have a chance to take on a new look in your life.

　　和新朋友一起，你有机会呈现新面貌。

　　【解析】 H)。细节题。根据句子关键词takeon anewlook可定位至E段末句。而跟新交的朋友在一起，你可以翻开新的一页。Take on anewlook和takeoveranewleaf是同类表述。