Kara Tepe, the camp designated at the time just for Syrians and Iraqis, was not so much a camp as a large car park. I joined a group of Greeks cooking pasta for lunch, hundreds of servings at a time. My Arabic helped with crowd control, and food prep was done in pantomime. There was enough English to go around, just as, after a second batch of pasta, there was enough food.

　　卡拉泰佩(Kara Tepe)是当时被分配给叙利亚与伊拉克难民的营区。说是营区，倒不如说是一个大的停车场。我加入了一队希腊志愿者，帮忙煮面做午餐。午餐须同时供应营区内的几百位难民。掌握阿拉伯语让我能帮忙维持排队秩序，但准备食物时还是主要靠打手势。在营区里，说英语基本上就够了。第二批面供应完，难民也基本足以果腹。

　　Late in the afternoon, I felt savvy enough to drive an Afghan family who had been misdirected to Kara Tepe to Moria, another camp nearby handling migrants from Afghanistan and elsewhere. Though upon arriving, my confidence stalled, as I saw the former military installation’s high walls topped with razor wire. This was so far from the Lesbos I knew, a place I’d never thought to imagine.

　　傍晚时分，我自认为已轻车熟路，于是自告奋勇带着一家走错了营区的阿富汗人去莫瑞亚(Moria)收容营。莫瑞亚营区主要安置来自阿富汗及其他地区的难民。到了那边，一看到重重高墙上密密麻麻地安着之前军方装的带刺铁网，我瞬间怂了。这可不是我熟知的莱斯沃斯岛。这种场景，我之前根本无法想象。

　　A few months later, I went back to the island alone. Since the summer, I had helped build a network of volunteers. From the days I’d worked at the camp and what else I knew of Lesbos, I co-wrote a guide for others who wanted to make the trip. The situation had turned grimmer and more complex, so I had come to strengthen the network, update the guide and support the refugees however I could.

　　几个月后，我再一次独自回到了岛上。2015年夏天，我帮助组建起了一支帮助难民的志愿者队伍，同时根据之前我在难民营帮忙的经验以及前些年我所了解的关于莱斯沃斯岛的知识，编写了一本莱斯沃斯岛帮助指南。但因为形势更复杂也更严峻，我得重新回到岛上训练重整这支志愿者队伍，更新这本指南，并且为难民提供力所能及的帮助。

　　As my ferry from Athens pulled into the port, my project suddenly felt like folly. I knew nothing about this place – I’d driven one road on this island, worked at one camp and peeked at another. Nor did I know what I might encounter here and whether I was capable of handling it. There was only one way to quell my anxiety: move forward.

　　乘船从爱琴海抵岸后，我突然觉得自己之前设想的宏图伟业傻气十足。毕竟，我对这个地方几乎一无所知。在岛上，我开车只会开一条路，只在一个营地帮过忙，另一个营区仅仅是在外悄悄窥视过而已。我都不知道我这次回来将遇到什么，又是否有能力应付。但是战胜焦虑的办法只有一个，就是勇往直前!

　　That week, I crisscrossed the island in my rental car, collecting information and new contacts from the camps, the boat landing spots and other aid points for refugees. Along the way, I marvelled at this new-to-me Lesbos. The brown, summer-sun-baked terrain I was used to was lush and green after the autumn rain. I saw other crystal-blue bays, other stone-paved village squares, and another view out to sea, direct to the coast of Turkey.

　　上岛后那个星期，我租了辆车在岛上逶迤穿梭，收集各类信息，补充营地接口人联系方式，标注难民的停船点、救援点等。一路上，我对这个看起来全新的莱斯沃斯岛倍感惊叹。原先夏日炎炎里那些游玩过的地方是棕色的，但一场秋雨过后，它们居然郁郁葱葱，一片青绿。我看到以前未见过的湛蓝海滩和石板铺路的乡村广场，甚至还能看见一整片海，而海的那岸就是土耳其。

　　Every time I hopped out of my car at a new site, I forced myself to say kalimera (good morning) or kalispera (good evening). Without Peter as my safety net, I flung the only greetings I knew like a rope. Greeks grabbed it and pulled me in. They answered my questions about the needs at the camps and told me their stories and why they had come out to help. Many had refugees in their own families, only a few generations back, from the Greco-Turkish War and the ensuing population exchange of 1923, all of which forced more than 1.5 million Christians and Muslims from their homes.

　　每到一个新的地方，停下车后，我会强迫自己跟大家打招呼，说"早安"、"晚上好"。没有丈夫在旁为我保驾，我只能抛出几句简单的希腊语问候作为救命绳索。而希腊人也会拉住绳索的那端，尽力帮助我。他们回答我各类关于营区需求的疑问，给我讲述自己的故事，他们会来此地帮忙的缘由等等。他们中许多人往上回溯几代，家里也有难民。1919年到1922年希腊王国和土耳其爆发战争(即希土战争Greco-Turkish War)， 1923年洛桑条约签署后，希腊土耳其间互换人口。约150万人信仰基督教和伊斯兰教的希腊人被迫离开自己在土耳其的家园，变成难民。

　　Until then, I had seen the Greek penchant for welcoming foreigners in action only at, say, a beach taverna (a small restaurant). But in this emergency, in service of those fleeing violence and religious and political persecution, it was an altogether more awesome force: fierce and righteous and driven by the island’s history. Working in its glow, I felt each day more capable; each day, the people of Lesbos pushed me on.

　　在这之前，我只在度假的海滩酒店里见识希腊人对外来人口的包容与好客。但在危难时刻，希腊人民愿意帮助这些逃离战火、逃离宗教与政治迫害的难民，这是一种太令人惊叹的力量。历史渊源的驱动下，这种正义的力量是如此强大。沐浴在这样的光辉下，参与志愿活动时，我感觉充满干劲。每天都是莱斯沃斯岛的人们驱使着我不断向前。

　　The last place I visited on my return trip was Moria camp. Now vastly overcrowded, awash in mud and trimmed in a second layer of razor wire, it was even bleaker than when I’d delivered the Afghan family in summer. I walked around for an hour, handing out maps and information packs, dry socks and chocolate, but the capability I’d felt elsewhere was sapped. My gestures felt small and futile.

　　回程途中，我选择的最后一站是莫瑞亚营区。整个营区拥挤不堪，满是泥浆，冰冷的围墙上又加了一层铁丝网。情况比我夏天送那户阿富汗家庭来时更加糟糕不堪。我在营区逛了一个小时，四处分发地图、信息册、干净的袜子和巧克力等。但是我拥有的能力在此处似乎无处施展，感觉自己所做的事情很渺小，也很无用。

　　Out by my car, a Kurdish family flagged me down and asked me how to get to the port. Months before, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. This time, I knew the bus timetables well enough to say they’d missed the last one, but I could offer them a lift. At the port, I helped them buy ferry tickets and made sure they ate a good meal. As they boarded the boat for the next leg of their long journey, they were smiling for the first time in hours. Playing host, I’d restored their spirits, and mine.

　　车外，有一家库尔德人示意我停车并询问我怎么去码头。几个月前，我可能回答不了这个问题。但是这次我准确地知道巴士的时间表，并且告诉他们，最后一班已经开走了。若是他们愿意的话，我可以载他们一程。到码头后，我帮他们买好了船票，并且确保他们吃得饱饱的。在他们登上漫长旅程的下一程的航船时，他们冲我笑了笑，这是他们几个小时以来第一次露出笑颜。当了一回地头蛇，我帮他们同时也帮自己重拾了信心。

　　Since then, I’ve been back to Lesbos twice more on my own and visited nearly every corner. The island feels smaller now, the mystery of the tablecloth map solved. But it also feels richer, as the place names now evoke two islands: the hazy Lesbos of my summer holidays, and the vivid Lesbos of the refugee crisis.

　　自那次后，我还自己独自去过莱斯沃斯岛两次，几乎已经踏遍岛上的每寸土地。这个岛对我来说，越来越小。桌布上那张未解的地图竟被我探索得一清二楚。我脑海里关于这个岛的回忆也更丰满了。现在的莱斯沃斯岛，于我，有两个名字：一个是夏日里休闲度假的莱斯沃斯;另一个是难民危机时刻鲜活生动的莱斯沃斯。

　　Some spots on this new Lesbos are marked by tragedy – Molyvos, where villagers had to tend to the casualties of a shipwreck, and Moria, that chronic dark spot. But I also associate the island with a newfound joy, one that comes from clear purpose and common cause. As one island resident wrote to the volunteer network, “Lesbos now is a great school for all humanity,” and every place I visited stands as a lesson in generosity and compassion.

　　在这个我全新认知的莱斯沃斯岛上，有一些地方带有"悲情色彩"的标签，例如：莫利沃斯(Molyvos)，那里的村民要照料沉船的幸存者，及安葬沉船的遇难者;还有莫里亚营区，它就像一个慢性的毒瘤。但在这个岛上，因为有了清晰的目的和共同的初心，我也获得了许多新的乐趣。正如一个岛上的居民为志愿者联盟手册的题词所写到的那样，"莱斯沃斯是人道主义的大课堂。"在这里，每去一个地方都会教会我们慷慨与同情。

　　My solo experiences on Lesbos have been so intense, so separate from my husband and so intimately mine, that when it came time for our usual family trip this past summer, I was apprehensive. Could I return to the routine of sun and sardines and open-air films? Rationally, I knew that my holiday was also a way of helping the island, as its tourism economy had suffered after all the dramatic headlines. But when we set off for ‘our’ village, I still felt as if I was sneaking from one island to another.

　　在莱斯沃斯岛上，我的个人经历太过于深刻，又是只属于我的回忆。与之前我与丈夫来时全然是两种不同的状态。2017年夏天，我们家族再次去到那里旅行时，我感到深深地忧虑。我担忧自己是否还能像以前一样去享受阳光沙滩、烤鱼和露天电影?理性上来说，我明白去那里度假其实也在帮助这个岛屿。因为近两年，这个岛的旅游经济因难民潮成了国际大新闻而蒙受了巨大的损失。但我们真正出发来到"我们"的度假村时，我的思绪好像已从一个度假的岛屿正在偷偷溜往另外一个与难民有关的海岛。

　　A few days into our trip, I sneaked off again, to have tea with a fellow volunteer, an Australian expat who’d lived in Skala Eressos for years. (“Since when do you have friends here?” my brother-in-law asked, bewildered.) It was briefly jarring to see her at ease and not in emergency mode – and then it was comforting to catch up. As we chatted about refugee needs, volunteer dynamics and life in the village, I gradually felt less conflicted. My two experiences of Lesbos were knitting together.

　　没度假过几天，我就溜号了。我找到一个志愿者伙伴饮茶，同她一起聊近况。这名志愿者是一个原籍澳大利亚的移民，她在卡拉·艾丽索斯居住了很多年。(我丈夫的哥哥满心困惑，问我："咦?你什么时候在岛上有朋友了?")她状态非常放松，完全不像之前那般紧张。刚开始我还是有点不安，但是跟进了岛内的情况后就好多了。我与志愿者伙伴聊着难民的需求、志愿者动向和村内志愿者们的生活，内心的冲突感不再那么强烈。我在莱斯沃斯岛的两种经历就此紧密联结在了一起。

　　Everyone on Lesbos, I saw then, has had to redraw their personal maps, to reconcile their previous lives with the current situation, deciding how, when and where to help. And for the Afghan family, the Kurdish family and the hundreds of thousands of others who have passed through or are detained on the island, Lesbos is forever marked on their own life maps.

　　如今，莱斯沃斯岛上的每个人都要重新画一幅个人地图，依据现状，与过去和解，重新调整规划。大家也对自己什么时候以什么方式去哪儿帮助难民有明确的想法。而对于那家阿富汗人，那家库尔德人以及成千上万登陆这个岛或只是过境或最后滞留岛上的人，莱斯沃斯岛都必定在他们的人生地图上有着浓墨重彩的一笔。

　　This island is no longer just my husband’s place. It also belongs to me, and to everyone who has ever reached its shores.

　　这个岛并不再仅仅是我丈夫的度假地。它属于我，也属于所有来过这里的人们。