A Case of Eloquence

　　A doctor once told me about one of his outpatients who suffered from the disease of eloquence:

　　"Please sit down," the doctor told him.

　　"Why should I?" the patient asked. "Are you going to deprive me of my right not to sit down?"

　　The doctor could say nothing but offered him a glass of water. "Have some water then.”

　　The patient retorted, “This is lop-sided talk, so it is absurd. Not all water is drinkable. If you put same potassium cyanide in it, it will be undrinkable. "

　　The doctor said, "1 didn't put any poison in it. Please rest assured."

　　"Who said you put poison in it? Do you mean to say that 1 am lodging a false accusation against you? Has it been written cat the indictment of the procurator that you have put poison in the water? I didn't say you had put poison in it, but you claimed that I said you had put poison in it. So you have indeed put in move poisonous poison against met"

　　The doctor could not but heave a sigh and switched to another topic, “It's fine today.”

　　The patient replied, "Nonsense! The fact that it is fine here doesn't mean that it is fine everywhere else in the world. At the North Pole, for example, it must be freezing, with strong winds, long nights and icebergs colliding with one another. . . "

　　The doctor couldn't help but retorted, "Ibis is not the North Pole."

　　The patient argued, “You can't deny the existence of the North Pole. If you do, you'll be distorting facts with ulterior motives."

　　Finally the doctor begged him, "Please go away."

　　The patient again answered back. "You have no right to order me to leave. Yours is a hospital, not a public security office. So you can't arrest me, nor shoot me to death. "

　　An investigation revealed the fact that this patient had joined the so-called “Lung Xiao” (An organization doing the Cultural Revolution that wrote the major articles which voiced the opinions of the Gang of Four. Here "Xiao" also implies "Loyalty to the Gang of Four.") writing group. What he was suffering from may have been the after-effects of that period.

　　雄辩症

　　一位医生向我介绍，他们在门诊中接触了

　　一位雄辩症病人。医生说：“请坐。”

　　病人说：“为什么要坐呢?难道你要剥夺我的不坐权吗?”

　　医生无可奈何，倒了一杯水，说：“请喝水吧。”

　　病人说：“这样谈问题是片面的，因而是荒谬的，并不是所有的水都能喝。例如你如果在水里搀上氰化钾，就绝对不能喝。”

　　医生说：“我这里并没有放毒药嘛。你放心! ”

　　病人说：“谁说你放了毒药了呢?难道我诬告你放了毒药?难道检察院起诉书上说你放了毒药?我没说你放毒药，而你说我说你放了毒药，你这才是放了比毒药还毒的毒药!”

　　医生毫无办法，便叹了口气，换一个话题说：“今天天气不错。”

　　病人说：“纯粹胡说八道!你这里天气不错，并不等于全世界在今天都是好天气。例如北极，今天天气就很坏，刮着大风，漫漫长夜，冰山正在撞击……”

　　医生忍不住反驳说：“我们这里并不是北极嘛。”

　　病人说：“但你不应该否认北极的存在。你否认北极的存在，就是歪曲事实真相，就是别有用心。”

　　医生说:“你走吧。”

　　病人说：“你无权命令我走。你是医院.不是公安机关，你不可能逮捕我，你不可能枪毙我。”

　　……经过多方调查，才知道病人当年参加过“梁效”的写作班子，估计可能是一种后遗症。