例句：

　　修改前: Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago, and it now has branch offices in four states, and it employs nearly 400 individuals.

　　修改后: Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago. With branch offices in four states, it now employs nearly 400 individuals.

　　(3)统一性与一致性(Unity and Coherence)

　　(4)强调(Emphasis)

　　①位置

　　②重复

　　③数量

　　④技巧

　　(5) 将句中关系紧密的词尽量靠近。

　　比较下面三对句子：

　　A. They bought a bicycle in Beijing in a small shop which costs $ 25.00.

　　They bought a bicycle for $25.00 in a small shop in Beijing.

　　B. He was warned not to drink water even in a restaurant which had not been boiled.

　　He was warned not to drink water which had not been boiled.

　　C. Those who work rapidly get ill in these conditions.

　　Those who work in these conditions rapidly get ill.

　　(6) 避免在同一个句子中使用意义不同的同一个字。

　　We shall take a firm line with the firm.

　　We shall take a strong line with the film.

　　3.简洁(Conciseness)

　　A. We have begun to export our machine to countries abroad.

　　We have begun to export our machines.

　　B. In the event that you speak to Mr. Wood in regard to production, ask him to give consideration to the delivery schedule.

　　If you speak to Mr. Wood about production, ask him to consider the delivery schedule.

　　C .We require furniture which is of the new type.

　　We require new-type furniture.

　　(1) 使用简洁的语言(Use simple language)

　　尽量使用 避免使用

　　please will you be good enough to

　　prefer express a preference for

　　because for the reason that

　　(2) 少用陈词滥调(Omit trite expressions)

　　as the case may be

　　it has come to my attention

　　at an early age

　　avail yourself of this opportunity

　　previous to

　　crack of dawn

　　pursuant to your request

　　take the liberty to

　　due to the fact that

　　thanking you in advance

　　enclosed herein

　　this is to inform you

　　under separate cover

　　with kindest regards

　　I wish to state

　　(3) 避免冗长的表达方式和不必要的重复(avoid wordy expressions & unnecessary repetition)。 Wordy Concise

　　1. We would like to please

　　2. For the month of August for August

　　3. Pursuant to the end of this week now

　　4. A long period of time a long time

　　5. At this time now

　　6. Is at this time is

　　7. The weight was higher than the weight was greater than

　　8. I expected it to be expected

　　9. During the year of 1995 during 1995

　　10. For the development of for developing

　　11. In the city of Dallas in Dallas

　　12. The problem was that the car would not the car would not start

　　start

　　13. Square in shape square

　　14. in accordance with your request you requested

　　15. Sign on the front of this form sign this form

　　16. During the time that while

　　17. Consensus of opinion we agree

　　18. Remember the fact that remember

　　19, Held a meeting met

　　20. this is the situation at this time now

　　(4)删改无关紧要的成份(Remove unneeded facts)

　　A. It should be noted that this is the best we can do,

　　B. For your information we enclose a catalogue.

　　C. Please be advised that we have received your invoice.

　　1. as soon as possible by July 10

　　2. as you indicated in your letter as you indicated

　　3. at all times always

　　4. at this time now

　　5. continue to utilize the old form until start using the new form on February

　　such time as the new form is available

　　6. despite the fact that despite

　　7. for the month of April for April

　　8. for obvious reason that because

　　9. I would ask that you please

　　I0. in conjunction with with

　　11. in the mere recent past recently

　　12. in the unlikely event that if

　　13. in the unlikely event that I am unable to if I am late, please delay the meeting

　　be on time, please delay the meeting

　　14. in view of the fact that because

　　15. it will be greatly appreciated if you please

　　16. our production of the new product will production will begin on July 1

　　commence on July 1

　　17. please be advised that we expect you to please review the contract

　　review the enclosed contract

　　(5)多使用主动语态的句子结构以明确表达意思。

　　Payment of their accounts will be made by Johnsons next week.

　　Johnsons will pay their accounts next week.

　　4.具体(Concreteness)

　　(1) 尽可能地提供明确、具体的信息。

　　A. These brakes can stop a car within a short distance.

　　These Goodson power brakes can stop a 2-ton car within 24 feet.

　　B. We hope the equipment will be delivered to our company as soon as possible.

　　Please deliver the equipment to our company before next Friday.

　　C. She is a fast typist.

　　She types at the fast rate of 85 words per minute.

　　(2) 使用具体词汇

　　A. We have no hesitation in advising you…

　　We advise you…

　　B. The preparation of new price scale is in hand.

　　New price scales are being prepared this week.

　　C. Due to the unusual nature of the request,…

　　As the request is unusual,…

　　a great deal of time, bad, large, good, small, around, old, convenient, young, little, majority, minority, most, less

　　5.完整(Completeness)

　　自查：谁(Who)? 什么(What)? 什么时候(When)? 在哪里(Where)? 为什么(Why)? 怎么样(How)?

　　6.礼貌(Courtesy)

　　例如：

　　Dear Mrs. Walters,

　　Because you delayed so long in your response, Model GSF is off stock. If you are interested, we have some similar models on hand

　　Yours truly,

　　修改：

　　Dear Mrs. Walters

　　If I had known your needs before May 20, I could have shipped Model GSP immediately. However, the spring sale drained our stock.

　　The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and you could have it at the same price as the GSF. It normally sells for $10,000 more. we will ship it as soon as you give us the word.

　　Yours sincerely

　　(1) 使用礼貌友好的词汇

　　A. 说“Thank you" , 例如:

　　Thank you for your letter of yesterday.

　　Thank you for your prompt reply.

　　Thank you for helping us in this respect.

　　Thank you for your information.

　　(2)体谅对方的写作态度(You-Attitude)

　　Writer emphasis: We are shipping your order on Friday.

　　Reader emphasis: You will receive your order by Monday, October 10.

　　Writer emphasis: To reduce our costs, we are changing the billing system.

　　Reader emphasis: To provide you with clear records, we are changing our billing system.

　　Writer emphasis: I was pleased to hear that the project was completed.

　　Reader emphasis: Congratulations on successfully completing the project

　　Writer emphasis: We regret that you closed your account with us a week ago. We believe that people may come back to our bank again sooner or later since we have a good credit among our customers.

　　Reader emphasis: A week ago you closed your account with us. Whatever the reason, we are pleased to have played some small part in your program. You are cordially invited to use our 'other services as occasion may require.

　　(3) 措辞得体(Appropriate Wording)

　　a.避免采用消极性的词汇或句式

　　Negative Wording: The office is closed after four O'clock,

　　Positive Wording: The office is open until four O'clock.

　　Negative Wording: When I received your complaint, I checked our records.

　　Positive Wording: When I received your letter, I checked our records.

　　Negative Wording: Because you failed to connect the cable, the picture was blurred.

　　Positive Wording: The picture was blurred because the V-2 cable was not connected to the terminal.

　　Negative Wording: You did not read my recent letter.

　　Positive Wording: Please refer to my June 10th letter.

　　Negative Wording: The Executive Board did not receive notification.

　　Positive Wording: Several members of the Executive Board inquired about the time of our December meeting. Will you please send them a follow-up?

　　Negative Wording: Your letter was not clear.

　　Positive Wording: I would appreciate an outline of our marketing differences that you mentioned in your October 14th letter.

　　b.有失礼貌的言词

　　We deny your claim complaint

　　We do not believe confusion

　　We are not sure contrary

　　We find it difficult to understand contrivance

　　We expect delinquent

　　We insist deny

　　We are forced disagreeable

　　We take issue exasperate

　　You forgot failure

　　You neglected ignorance

　　You failed to impatience

　　You misunderstood incompetent

　　You must incredible

　　You should know inexcusable

　　You do not have inference

　　You are delinquent insincere

　　You insist that insinuate

　　You did not say insulting

　　Your ignoring intolerable

　　Your credit refusal irresponsible

　　Your recent complaint irritated

　　Your failure to lack

　　Your misunderstanding neglect

　　Your neglectful attitude objection

　　Your disregard for obnoxious

　　Your insinuation offensive

　　Your lack of communication unbelievable

　　Your delinquent account uncooperative

　　(4)避免使用有性别歧视之嫌的词语

　　A.用“person”代替第三人称单数。

　　例如:

　　Instead of: Please share this report with your supervisor. He will find it interesting.

　　Say: Please share this report with your supervisor, who will find it interesting.

　　B.有一些常用的商务英语词汇有性别歧视之嫌，应该稍加改变。

Instead of	Say
Businessman workmen Chairman Foremen Salesman Spokesman Stockboy Workman	business person employees/worker chairperson supervisors sales representative / sales person spokesperson stock clerk employee / worker

　　(5) 及时答复(Timely Response)

　　例：We will examine your camera to determine the shutter-response problem and have it back to you within three weeks, if repairs axe needed, I will call you for approval to make the repairs.

　　例：Mr. Smith is out of the office until the end of the month. I am sure he will be able to provide you with all of the information you requested when he returns.